I’ve been so touched with all the love being shared in the Spread The Love NOW! Group Writing Project, that I felt I should share a compassionate act that happened to me recently. The Situation; I’d just gotten out of hospital and was back at the monastery, still wasn’t eating, and was very dehydrated. I was constantly dizzy, but I still had my pride.
In the condition you’re in, staying in a mountain cabin doesn’t make any sense. Thankfully the residents know this and decide to move you into the main building. Salisha offers to drive you up to your cabin, and offers to help you pack. Reluctantly you accept the offer up to the cabin. Upon arriving you dizzily rush into your room, knowing exactly how things are and try to pack. You’re unable to, you couldn’t pack your stuff up. You knew what you’re trying to do, but it just doesn’t happening. Your dirty clothes are everywhere, sheets a mess, whole room, also a mess. What a state to be caught in.
Salisha offers a hand, again reluctantly, you accept. Continuing to try be the man, you allow her snippets of work, pretending it’s all under control. She can see the truth you deny, she knows how hard this is, and how close you are to collapsing. After what feels like the longest time you give up, knowing your unable to do this.
Unable, yet pride still stands out. It was here that Salisha speaks to you. She tells you to accept her gift. She is sharing her love with you, and you are refusing to take it. She understands what’s going on, she knows your not well, wants to help, wants to show her love, and constantly you deny it, pretending you’re fine, when it’s obvious to both, your not.
She talks of her grandfather, an amazing man, the embodiment of compassion his whole life. Near the end of his life, for the first time he was unable to look after himself and was taken to a nursing home. The self-dependant man, who’s life had been nothing but compassionate, was unable to be helped. The last memories Salisha and her family have of her grandfather are that of a cranky man, unwilling to accept the love of his direct family.
This man died, they say, still earlier than he should, he gave up on his situation, the medicines didn’t work, they think he didn’t take them, as he didn’t see his need for help.
Salisha tells me this and I collapse on the bed, cracked. Tears flow, and I understand that receiving is sometimes giving. I experience and feel compassion, having been studying Kannon for a week, working with the text for a month, I didn’t understand compassion’s function in my life. I am ever grateful to Salisha, and I hope to, and continue to work on my ability to receive help when it really is needed.
Real Life, Post Monastery Experience
Today, I went to the beach for the first time in 3 months. I’m usually a pretty good swimmer, and am also a surf life saver of 10+ years experience. Jumping into the water and catching a few waves in seas so big they’ve made news, I got tired pretty quickly. I knew I was in trouble- big waves and low energy levels. I started making my way in but was stuck in a rip, making it very difficult. A life saver came out, offering me and those around me who were also caught a ride to the shore. We all had too much pride to take the offered help. I saw my resistance, I saw my pride, and I saw Kannon shining in this woman offering me a lift back. I remembered Salisha, I called the woman over saying I’d like help please.
I easily got on the board, as I’m usually the one saving others, but not this time. We waited for a bit of a calm and caught the next wave in all the way. One fun ride and 15 seconds later, I was back on the shore, gratefully thanking the woman for her assistance and smiled. It took those who were unwilling to get a lift over 10 minutes to reach the shore. 10 minutes of struggling against help, due to pride. I am constantly thankful for the teachings I received from Kannon and Salisha. I am still working with compassion, and still working on my ability to receive.
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Wonderful personal example here!
Loving Awareness on compassion
Good article. I’ve fallen into the trap of not accepting compassion from other people. Sometimes compassion becomes easier to give than to receive. When we give it, we have pride, but its much harder to have pride when we are receiving it.
Thanks. I think this is a big lesson for us.
I’m not sure that compassion and giving are exactly the same.
@Matthew, thanks for your kind words
@Miracle, I like how you’ve called it a trap, seeing the trap is the first step to avoiding it, or so I’m finding out….
@Evan, I agree, sometimes. Like anything, it really depends on what’s motivating it I’d say
Thanks for sharing this Wade. It’s a wonderful story.
It seems to me that compassion, receiving, giving… are all just expressions of Love that flow naturally the moment we openly accept ‘What Is’.
Wade,
More than anything else, I think your story was about compassion for the self. You accepted help in two instances. Salisha’s grandfather probably illustrates the opposite of that. Although seemingly compassionate all his life, unable to extend it to himself. Making the meaning or existence of compassion appear to be absent.
Barbara
Gassho my Friend…
I find the best lessons and paths are the ones where we admit and observe that which is the attachment. Good work on this one.
Kris
Hello Wade,
Wow… I hope you are feeling much, much
better. My prayers are with you.
Great example of accepting compassion
from someone else. It’s something to remember
when we offer help and it’s turned down or not
accepted. Could very well be the reason.
xo xo
Deb
Pride is happening, resistance is happening. What is there to work on?
Wade, your contribution to this project is really valuable. Often people forget that giving and receiving should go hand in hand, harmoniously. Life is what happens in the middle of alpha and omega, plus and minus. Thank you for this thought provoking entry.
Wonderful post today, this really touched me. I think you’ve taught me something today that I’m going to carry with me for a good long while.
thanks for shining your light!
take care,
Greg
@Nick, thanks for your comments. Agree with your views of compassion. Hope all is well, been a while between mails.
@Barbara, In the moment, there was no self or no other, just a unity doing what needed to be done, and that only came about through accepting what was being offered. Salisha’s Grandfather was an example of refusing help, and how it turns out.
@Kris, thank you. They’re hard lessons to learn, but rewarding to let go of
Gassho
@Cedric, Always with tricky questions
To see pride, and to accept it as being there is different to allowing it to ‘rule’ over my life. To work on is to let go of the attachment to pride.
@Mihaela Lica, Thanks for your kind words, I’ve also heard it described as The Dash (between life and death on a tombstone).
@Gregor, Nice to be able to return the favour from time to time, thank you.
Peace to all beings.
Gassho,
Wade
Hi Wade,
This is a great post. Being an only child, I’ve always been self-dependant. I find it particularly hard to accept help from others.
After reading this post I realise, that compassion should work both ways. We cant always be giving, and we must open ourselves to let others help us too.
In reiki and other healing arts, they mention something about channeling. where you open youselves up, to let the life force flow through you. if we dont open ourselves, it’ll never flow.
similarly if we open ourselves to love from others, it’ll help us to be a more loving person.
Thank you for helping me get the point.
regards,
rahul
Blessings, Wade. It is so often that acceptance/receiving is the hardest task…
many thanks for this reminder.
peace and wonder,
It’s my first time visiting your site, and this article has hooked me enough to bookmark and try and read through a lot more. A wonderful piece, it has definitely opened my eyes to how I have acted previously and has made me want to think before I let any foolish pride get in the way of compassion or advice.
Thankyou for writing.
-JB
Hi Wade,
Your post reminded me of a similar experience I had about 30 years ago while swimming in California. My pride made it hard to accept help and I felt embarrassed when I finally did. I only comprehended the significance of that lesson just now after reading your post. I have no idea who the lifeguard was but after all these years I sincerely thanked him in my mind and forgave myself for that moment of young & selfish pride. Better late than never.
Thank you for the post.
Jerry
@Rahul, I’m glad this post has been able to show you the two way street of compassion. Was an eye opener for me.
@CG Walters, My pleasure, thanks for your comment.
@JuniperBlue, Welcome, thanks for your comments, hope to see you round some more. Glad you enjoyed the article.
@Jerry, wow, thanks for sharing this amazing story. I believe you’d feel lighter after letting go of this burden. I could sense it in reading. I’m sure, where ever he is, that he received the gratitude.
May all beings be blessed by the Dharma.
Gassho,
Wade
Some of us are wonderful givers and lousy receivers. To be open to receiving makes us feel vulnerable and pride definitely has a problem with being vulnerable. Look at receiving as a gift to the person who is giving. It allows that person to open their heart to you though their act of giving so you are doing both of you a service to receive. Say Thank You and get your ego out of the way.
Hi Patricia,
Thanks for your comment. It’s very true that some people are good at one side, but lousy on the other side. I’m a big fan of balance, aka The Middle Way, aka Buddhism
And I’m personally working very hard on trying to reach that, especially with Compassion.
Love your last sentence, that’s a quote if ever I’ve heard one “Say Thank You and get your ego out of the way”.
May we exist in muddy water with purity like a lotus; thus we bow to Buddha.
Gassho,
Wade