Most of life is spent transacting or exchanging. We trade our time and skills for money. We trade that money for goods and services. This style of exchange is also deep in our Ego and interactions with people. When communicating, we often engage in pushing or pulling, missing the real.
Projecting, reacting, and reflecting, all contain a filter in their root. This filter is wedged deeply between reality and the unconscious mind, taking place within Ego. Ego’s nature is the I/Me/My, and it’s because of this that we have to be so careful, as things are easily distorted here. Distortion skews the picture we receive of the world, its events, and people. We think one thing happens, but something else happens entirely.
Projecting
When projecting, something from our minds is pushed outwards, and we lose touch with reality. We know better. We’re right. They’re wrong. When we say these things, we cut ourselves off from reality. No longer do we hear our friends, no longer are we able to learn, or to accept. We become isolated. Out of touch.
Similar to Projecting, is Reflecting
Reflecting can be healthy, which is why it can be even more dangerous. Quite often, again, due to the location of where the process takes place, we distort what is being reflected. When reflecting we often only replay events seeing what we want to see, and hearing what we want to hear. We give this the name of reflecting, but it would be better termed selective-reflecting. Each time we reflect on these selectively-reflected memories, we develop them, enhancing their validity, making them more solid, and further distorting things. This kind of reflecting is often called denial.
Reacting
Reacting comes easy for humans. It’s been programmed into us over thousands of years. Our survival at one point depended upon being able to react as soon as anything happened. Fight or Flight is a reaction to an event. It has done well to get us here, but now we need to turn it down a bit. Reacting often has an amplification effect. A small disagreement turns into a huge argument. Reaction after reaction, issues escalate. They don’t get solved. They dig deeper and become less like to be resolved. Pride is usually the root emotion causing the reaction. Who likes to be attacked or to be wrong?
A Way Out
Instead of pushing or pulling, we can accept and be. We can be present, open, and listening. When we live without outward direction, whilst absorbing from all directions, we hear things with their full power. We learn from mistakes. We are able to admit we are wrong, so in future we do not make the same mistakes again. Communication and relations deepen, conflicts resolve and dissolve. Without trying, without doing, simply by being, we grow.
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Thich Nhat Hanh also uses dishwashing as an example of practicing mindfulness in his book The Miracle of Mindfulness.
A beautiful post Wade. Thanks.
Good stuff Wade—- I’m seeing lots of parallels between what you are saying here and my own actions—- especially that part about reacting, pride does tend to be a particularly powerful emotion—what a false thing too.
Thanks for continuing to point towards “reality”
Thank you Wade- over time I hope not projecting, reflecting negatively, and reacting become more instinctual for me. Until then, I will focus on them today. Thanks again for the help.
Acceptance has been one of my hardest obstacles, but one of my favorite. Teaching myself to accept the present moment by relaxing and finding a reason to enjoy the moment has given me more joy than any other accomplishment I’ve ever had. Thanks for the reminder.
I like the theme here. Another way to recognize value in change is not to resist when the universe is pulling you away from the things you associate with ego. Whatever is happening is taking you somewhere. You can fight it, struggle, resist or accept it on some level and choose to grow. Human beings are accustomed to get their own way. Life experiences humble you when they teach you how you didn’t know what you wanted in the first place. Its all good!
@Paul, I’ve worked with that text, and also that of a few others, including Dogen. It was only when living in the actual that it clicked for me – Coming to Reality with Dishes
@Evan, thank you, your comments are always appreciated.
@Greg, I think chatting with you, and a few other mates had a big part in forming this post. Glad you could see some of the twisted parallels there
Thank you for your help, challenging, and pointing towards that which is beyond.
@Brian, To see is the first step. When you see them happening, you have the power, to slowly, change your habits. Keep at it!
@Karl, Interesting that you find a reason to enjoy the moment. Seems to be a bit layered to me. The moment is, and is all that can be. It exists beyond you and/or me, it exists beyond any concept idea or reason for it’s existence. Be, Simply Be, I would say. Regardless of that, great to see you working on acceptance. None of this work is easy, but it is always rewarding, coming home.
@Liara, It’s all good!
A very aussie saying 
Like “No Worries”. Funny how two really common sayings contain such deep truths behind them. A friend of mine got some Enso’s done in Japan with some calligraphy down the side. Him being Irish, he loved the irony of the Aussie “No Worries”. He converted it to Japanese, Buji, and now “I see it”.
May all beings be happy.
Gassho,
Wade
Nice summary of the pitfalls of the ego. That darn ego is a tough nut to crack. I liken it to carving a sculpture out of stone, chip away at it a little bit at a time and one day you will have a beautiful thing to behold.